Defeated

It never fails.

Every year at this time in Lent I hit “the wall”.
Every year I begin Lent thinking I am going to be fine…I have this under control.
And every year God humbles me.

On Monday I hit the proverbial wall.  I maybe got an hour of sleep that night as my brain was running wild. I had very little energy on Tuesday that no amount of coffee could fix.  I was experiencing stress related aches and pains.  And I had a hard time concentrating.

It was not a good day 😦

Mid-afternoon on Tuesday I made the difficult decision to cancel my Tuesday night small group at Belmont and cancel confirmation on Wednesday.  I was ready for my Wednesday small group and almost ready for Wednesday night worship.  So I after I got the word out about the schedule changes I went home to lie down.

Defeated.

God help me.

I prayed and prayed.  I confessed my sin of self-confidence in my ability to go through Lent on my strength.  Not that I totally ignored God, but I was happy with MY plan to get everything done.  I scheduled everything out.  I felt I could just plow headlong through Lent and then rest for 2 weeks after Easter.  But I ran out of MY energy.

God defeated me…and I thank God for that 🙂

I got a solid 8 hours of sleep on Tuesday night and felt better on Wednesday.  It felt good to sit and relax…and reflect…and pray.  It felt good to take my time to prepare for release time and then small group and then worship.  It felt good to have fellowship with God and rely on God’s strength through the Holy Spirit.

It felt good to be defeated.

One of these years I am going to figure this Lent thing out.
One of these years I am going to remember who is truly in charge.
But in the mean time I am going to cherish this feeling of being defeated and enjoy the power of the Holy Spirit working through me.

God help me 🙂

edh -|—