The following is the bedtime blessing I speak over my son each night I get to lay him down:
Good night my sweet boy.
Mommy loves you and Daddy loves you,
but Jesus loves you more.
May God bless you with sweet dreams
and a peaceful sleep.
And God willing, may I see you in the morning.
Nothing fancy, just a daddy blessing his son.
Good night.
The Pastor -|—
Sometimes it is the little things in life that can break through crabbiness, a downtrodden spirit and/or selfishness; putting a smile on one’s face and placing things in perspective. Last night was one of those nights for me.
My wife was at camp; volunteering as a camp nurse, and wasn’t going to be home until after bedtime. That meant I was on my own with two kids; something I have done before. Everything was going great. My two year old was behaving and being a good little girl until…
…I was about to lay down a sleeping 8 month old. At the moment Mayah thought it was necessary to bring one of Malachi’s noisy toys into the room to show me.
Enough said.
Malachi was awake and I was frustrated; frustrated with the situation and frustrated with Mayah. My attitude became sour and therefore I probably wasn’t as playful with Mayah as I should have been. The evening was lost.
I finally got Malachi down and then got Mayah ready for bed. Still crabby I read her some books, prayed with her and laid her down. A couple minutes later, as I was enjoying some peace and quiet; trying to calm down, I hear Mayah calling out for me through the baby monitor. Still crabby, I went in to see what was the matter. She just wanted to rock some more. So we cuddled up in the rocking chair and then she broke through.
As I am looking at her she gently reaches up with her finger, pokes me in the nose and smiles.
That was it
A nose poke
and a smile
My eyes immediately teared up. What did my crabby attitude get me that night? Nothing but lost time with a playful toddler. I squeezed her tighter and confessed my crabbiness to God.
Oh God, forgive me. Help me to repent. May I not lose time like this again.
It never ceases to amaze me how God uses the little things to break through. I was intent on being crabby; to show Mayah that she interrupted my schedule and my expectations for the night, but she just wanted to be my little girl. And I wonder if God feels something like this at times. We have our expectations but then they go south that leads our attitudes to blow up. All the while God has something else in mind and just wants to be our God.
Maybe we just need to be a little patient, go with the flow and let God be God. And if you forget, don’t worry, God will playfully poke your nose 🙂
Father God, break through my “tough” exterior and show me your love when I am intent on being my own god. Amen.
The Pastor -|—
This pastor’s heart is
sad and
happy and
thankful and
hopeful…
Today was the last day of release time; a program where 3rd, 4th and 5th graders are released from school early to attend Bible classes at the church of their choice on Wednesdays. The program runs from mid-September through the Wednesday of Holy Week.
This year I had 22 students; five of which were 5th graders who we sadly said good bye to today. After I held a little “graduation” ceremony where I gave them a “diploma”/certificate we played for a bit outside and then came back inside to wrap things up. At the end I asked the 5th graders to lead the closing prayer. I started and then turned things over to them. What I heard made my heart happy on this sad day. They thanked God for a great year and a fun 3 years. One prayed for the 3rd and 4th graders coming behind them, one even prayed for the homeless. It was such a touching prayer from a group of formerly quiet 3rd graders from a couple years ago.
And so on this sad day my heart was thankful that God gave me the privilege of teaching and growing with this class of kids. My heart is happy that I get to have them in class in the fall as confirmation students; guiding them as they go deeper in their faith. And my heart is hopeful as I reflect on how much they have grown emotionally and in their faith.
Praise be to God!!!
But there is one other little fact that sticks out to me about this class of 5th graders. This class contains the first group of kids that I baptized when I first arrived here nearly 11 years ago; and now they are on the cusp of confirmation. What a joy it has been to watch these kids grow up and I praise God that He has chosen me to stay here this long.
Mixed emotions but all good. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Holy God, you are an awesome God who is up to holy and exciting things. Please continue to use me to guide young people in their faith and continue to guide me through the faith of young people. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
The (sad, happy, thankful and hopeful) Pastor -|—
My five month old son…
…is resting peacefully in my arms.
…will gaze into my eyes and smile.
…will sit in his bouncy seat but definitely prefers mommy or daddy’s arms.
…depends on us for food and care.
…can do nothing to cause me to love him less.
…did nothing to earn my love.
…sleeps much better when mommy or daddy is near.
Oh God, if only I would look at you in the same way. If only I would trust you and depend on you like my son trusts and depends on me. If only I could learn a child-like faith like my little boy’s.
Oh God, draw me close that I may see you as a child sees their mommy and daddy.
Draw me close that I may learn to trust you with my life.
Draw me close that I may see the joy of resting in Your arms and know true love.
Draw me close that I may know and remember true peace.
And so may I rest tonight as a child sleeping on their daddy’s chest and may I awake in the morning with a new lease on life; praising and glorifying You. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
The Pastor -|—
My 3 1/2 month old son likes to fight sleep when he is lounging in his bouncy seat. He will fuss and thrash and whine and cry. Pacifier or no pacifier, he is not happy until mommy or daddy picks him up. And at that moment he will calm down.
Well…
…I just sat down from living that above episode. Currently my little boy is sleeping soundly in his bassinet. But as I was cradling him in my arms; staring at him, this pastor brain was once again shifting into high gear. Good or bad, I can’t help but work out a “sermon illustration”; especially in a cute and special moment like that. Maybe it is just my faith playing out through my eyes and other senses as the Holy Spirit opens my eyes to see God in various situations.
Whatever the case, as a stared at my sleeping little boy a few words/phrases came to mind:
~ Vulnerable
~ Peaceful
~ At rest
~ Not a care in the world
~ Protected
~ Loved
~ Daddy
~ Child
~ Safe
~ Mine
And as I thought about these words I thought about my heavenly Father. Because really, I don’t experience those words unless I am assured that I am being cradled in my Father’s arms. I am restless and anxious and not at peace if I think I am alone. But that moment when I am reminded of my Father I feel at peace; maybe something like what Malachi was feeling as he drifted off to sleep in my arms.
And when you think about those words, they indeed describe a child of God nestled in the heavenly Father’s arms. Through faith in Jesus this reality is yours. You may forget from time to time. You may think that you are living a nightmare at times but all you need to do is “wake up” and “open your eyes” and see that you are still cradled in your Father’s arms and that those above words are your reality.
Malachi will still have those restless moments and nightmares; that is something I can’t take away. What I can do, though, is always be there to comfort him. In much the same way, our heavenly Father doesn’t take away the nightmares in our lives, but he does continue to hold us. All we need to do is look and see.
So much about the parent/child relationship shines a light on our relationship with our Father in heaven. So maybe this pastor brain/Holy Spirit moment, was nothing more than my Father reminding me of his love for me that I may be at peace. And let me let you, I am feeling peaceful now (and not just because both kids are sleeping). I am feeling at peace in my Father’s arms.
May you feel at peace in your Father’s arms.
Praise be to God!
The Pastor -|—
Sometimes this pastor’s devotion time involves holding my sleeping 3 1/2 month old son while drinking coffee, praying and reading scripture. And then taking time to pound out a few words on my tablet, in case anyone cares what the pastor is doing this morning 🙂
But before you think that I have run out of thoughtful words to share please understand that I am working on 4 hours of sleep and very little coffee up to this point. Trust me, this pastor will be up to full operating capacity in no time and then a more thoughtful post will follow.
And I am guessing that once this first pot of coffee hits my system I may wonder why I wrote this (and posted it).
Oh well
God bless you and I’ll be back with something more thoughtful later 🙂
[I need so much more coffee]
The (not quite awake) Pastor -|—
For the past few weeks I have had the growing fear and sadness that my little girl (21 months old) was growing out of wanting to be rocked to sleep.
Our typical bedtime routine is that after she brushes her teeth and gets her jammies on we go into her room to read books (usually she wants daddy to do this, which of course I don’t mind). We read for a while and then pray together (it is uber cute when she folds her hands in mine). I then turn on her night light, start the CD player of lullabies and turn off her light. We then sit in the rocking chair and rock. If she isn’t sleeping by the end of the third song I lay her down in the crib. At nap time, the routine is similar except we just turn on the CD player and shut the lights off and then rock.
Well, this rocking thing hasn’t happened for a while…
…until nap time today.
For some reason my little girl wanted to rock (and who am I to question that). So my little girl curled up in my arms; all comfy in her blanket, and as very quickly off to sleep.
And we rocked and rocked and rocked…
Actually, she was out before the middle of the first song, but I didn’t lay her down then. I just continued to gaze at her and rock and rock and rock…
I didn’t want it to end.
I waited until the full three songs; and probably would had stayed longer if I didn’t need to get back for Wednesday classes at church.
It was such a beautiful moment and I was absolutely thrilled my little girl wanted daddy. But of course this pastor brain of mine started theologizing (I know that’s not a word but I think you get my drift). And it’s hard for a pastor to turn that off. We are always looking for sermon illustrations and teaching points and often times children provide the fodder.
In any case…
There are so many things about that moment today that remind me of God. But, I don’t think I am not going to share them with you.
Nope, I’m not.
I think I am just going to leave the moment as it is and let you imagine ~ and theologize. If you know God through Jesus Christ then you see it. You understand. You know what I am talking about. So I don’t have to say anything. To say anything more risks ruining the moment so I’ll let the Spirit continue where I leave off…
The Pastor -|—
One of the joys of serving at a church for as long as I have (10 1/2 years) is that you get to see kids grow up. I have a confirmation student, that as a preschooler, used to hide behind her mom’s leg because she was scared of me. Now she is a spiritually mature confirmation student that babysits my children. I have a crop of 5th graders that will be starting confirmation in the fall as 6th graders. This group contains some of the kids I baptized when I first arrived, including my first baptism.
But last night things hit me a little harder when I attended our local high school’s Winter Fest coronation. A young lady voted to serve as the 10th grade representative in the royal court is a former confirmation and release time student of mine. She looked so grown up last night in her formal dress and her hair all done up. And I found myself wondering how this was possible since it seems like just last year she was one of my 3rd grade release time students.
Wow, where has the time gone?
And then I started to think again about those 5th graders starting confirmation in the fall…
Didn’t I just baptize them?
Don’t get me wrong, I can hardly wait until that 5th class starts this next phase in their faith journey. And I am thrilled to see this 10th grade student of mine grow up, but I can’t help but have conflicting feelings about the passage of time. The good ole days always yields to new, uncharted days; neither good or bad ~ yet.
Part of me wants to turn back time (if I actually could) and prevent these kids from growing up and cling to the good ole days. But to do that would mean losing who these kids have become and who I have become today because of them. Watching these kids grow up has had a big impact on my life. I have learned a lot about my own faith through their questions and searching; questions that only a child-like faith can ask. I have seen these kids grow from standing up in the pew during the offering (one of my 5th graders did this when she was 3 or 4) and shouting, Pastor Eric, I got your money! to wanting to pray for an individual during release time. These kids have grown up and in so many ways. So maybe this is not a bad thing. Maybe I just need to reign in these conflicting emotions and “let them”grow up.
The life of a pastor is filled with so many joys and sorrows; ups and downs; major life moments; and the list goes on. It’s all part of the calling. It’s all part of serving in a congregation for “long time”. It’s all part of the passage of time. The good ole days can’t stay the good ole days forever. They need to yield to a new set of days so they too have a chance to become the good ole days for someone else, maybe even me.
So I praise God that He has allowed me to experience these conflicting emotions. May God grant me what I need to savor the good ole days and welcome the new ones that are coming. May God bless the days that are coming that they may become new good ole days. And I thank God that He has given me these days to enjoy with these kids and I look forward to many more.
And by the grace of God may I continue to grow up as well.
This pastor so needed the devotion from yesterday; to be still and know that God is God. To be still and listen to the voice of God. To be still and be at peace. I so needed that, but that is not what happened.
———————
My little girl woke up this morning at 5:30 a.m. crying,
“I want my daddy! I want my daddy!”
Tired, and a little cranky that I was getting up earlier than planned, I acquiesced to my little girl’s cry. We rocked for a while and then I laid her back down when she seemed to be sleeping, but immediately she started crying for me again. I returned to her room and sat in the rocking chair next to her crib. I then reached my hand through the crib and caressed her head; and she calmed down. Whenever I tried to leave she would cry. Eventually I fell asleep in the rocking chair…
[I’m not sure why she wanted this snoring beast next to her]
…and woke up just after 8 a.m. (I had a 9 a.m.baptism meeting). This was not how my morning was supposed to start. I bolted out of her room: showered, made coffee, ate (all the while my little girl is screaming for me) and got dressed. My wife woke up and help her but she still wanted daddy.
Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
All I wanted was to be still and know that God is God.
All I wanted was time alone with God before I started my day.
All I wanted was to hear God’s voice.
All I wanted was some encouragement as I prepared to finish two sermons today.
All I wanted was God.
And God did acquiesce to my request. God gave me a beautiful moment this morning and all I could think about was that it wasn’t what I planned. As a pastor friend of mine told me yesterday in a blog post comment,
“God made the time and gave it to you”
God definitely made the time for me this morning but I missed it.
Oh God, please forgive me for being so selfish and short-sighted.
Definitely carve out moments to get away and enjoy the fact that God is God, but don’t miss the moments that God carves out for you. Don’t be so short-sighted and selfish like I was this morning but rather…
Be still and know that God is God.
…and then actually pay attention and listen.
Holy Father, thank you for the holy moments that you create. May I have the eyes of faith to see them.
Praise be to God and Amen.
The Pastor -|—
On my desk I have a picture frame that houses our family’s 2014 Christmas card. The card proudly shows off six pictures. Five of the pictures are of my two beautiful children and the sixth picture is a shot of our family of four. I find myself staring at this picture often; in awe that that is my family.
But as I stare at that beautiful arrangement of pictures; my eyes drift to the bottom left side of the card. There, in that corner are the words:
Glory to God
The words are meant to be a Christmas greeting and proclamation to our family and friends but they also remind me of God’s grace and faithfulness in our lives.
You see, about two years ago, my wife and I were wondering if we would ever be parents (especially after our painful failed adoption in March 2013), but now we are the parents of two beautiful children (both under the age of two, crazy, I know). Life has definitely changed for us, and in more ways than one:
~ Our house is now chaotic as our living room has turned into one big toy room.
~ Our Schedules are more complex.
~ Sleep is a premium.
~ Children’s songs now ring in my head.
~ Packing and traveling is stressful.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂
But also, our faith in God through Jesus has been strengthened (and I definitely wouldn’t have THAT any other way).
Glory to God
You see, I was a Christian before the failed adoption, but afterwards, something “more”. And that’s the best way I can describe it. My wife and I became so much closer to each other and especially to God. We began to look at God differently (and in a good way). We began to lean more on God, especially during the healing process following the failed adoption. God was great before, we just noticed it better after we thought our lives were falling apart. God never deserted us; He was just doing something amazing.
Glory to God
Now I wonder how people do it. How do they navigate life without God? How do they deal with loss without God? How to they deal with tragedy without God? How do they face death without God? All of these questions perplex me and drive me to proclaim the Good News of Jesus. I don’t want anyone to deal with the crap of this world on their own.
I want people to lean on God through faith in Jesus.
I want people to know the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.
I want people to see their sinfulness and need for a Savior.
I want people to see their need to confess their sins.
I want people to hear God’s forgiveness through Jesus.
I want people to know the hope of the resurrection.
I want people to know Jesus.
I want people to give…
Glory to God
So in case you wanted to know what drives this pastor to serve and minister and write all these blog posts, well, there you go. It’s about Jesus. It’s about the Gospel. It’s about Life. It’s about giving…
Glory to God
…always and forever; for He is worthy.
The Pastor -|—
The Heart of a Pastor 